misery sucks... :'( don't we all know...

Well...I'm just sitting here in hopes Dana will get on soon. He said he'd be on at 3:00 so it's already past 2:00...so I hope I can keep entertained with this long enough to catch him...he's watching some movies he just got..well rented, anyway this isn't the point. I watched 'White Noise' not too long ago...yeah even though I've seen it before..it's not a good idea to watch it alone, in the dark of the night, while being a freaking baby when it comes to scary movies..which O0O0O0O trust me I do. I HOPE I remember NEVER to watch ANY kind of scary movie alone again...god it kills me for days, when if I watch it with someone..anyone I wont remember it the next day. It sucks! I'm so freaking scared right now, looking over my shoulder to make sure no one's behind me every 2 seconds isn't exactly 'healthy.' Anyway I forgot to tell you grandma called earlier today. I heard mom talking on the phone, I thought she was talking to Lori..but she handed me the phone saying it was grandma. We talked and she said she hasn't talked to me or seen me in awhile and that she missed me, she told me she loved me and about her new job and how she has to stand for 8 hours in hot heat in this factory with no air conditioning. I mean..I know she bitches but that's a lot for a 57 year old...come on! Anyway then she talked to Sadie for a bit. I checked the color ID once we got off to see how long mom and her talked and they talked or like 20 minutes. I was surprised...they haven't REALLY talked since grandma would come inside our house to pick us up..when we were LITTLE! I later asked mom what all she said and she told me grandma was saying how she hasn't seen us in forever and mom told her it was just because of the 'stages' we're going through. And grandma was like really? As in it's not ME, and mom had to try to explain to her we're just teenagers and want space and it's has nothing to do with her. So I feel better MOM even told her, also grandma said her kids did the same with her mom so she feels better about that too. So I feel much better...but still so guilty...I mean she CALLED TO SEE HOW WE WERE. She barely ever does that. And I feel awful that we've only gone like once since summer started and it was like the first Monday I think..so it's been awhile. *big ass sigh* I'm such a bitch and feel so guilty and awful.... :'( Anyway..I better be off, my muscles hurt, I am so tired, I'm still 'frightened' and I miss Dana unbearably. I mean once I got home, I was for the very first time HAPPY with the amount of time I got to see him. Like..I didn't quite miss him I was finally satisfied. But...unfortunately..I miss him so much right now. I seriously feel like crying...not only do I miss him, but I can't see him for 4 more days. I'm emotional how it is...god ok I'm out...I'll try to stay on for about another half hour and if he's not on I'm getting off...lata gata's..Peace&Love I love you so much papa!!!